If I could Send a Letter to Heaven

Mom,

It is hard for me to believe that you’ve been in Heaven for 6 months now. My mind often wanders to where you are and I often wish I could join you there. I miss having you here—your smile and laughter; your insight; your love for people, especially your family. I miss the way you lived life fully—you searched God’s heart for the answers to your questions about life. You were always learning and growing. I miss spending time with you—sitting in your bedroom asking you questions and talking about absolutely anything that came to our minds. I miss your input into my life. I miss talking to you on the phone when we are apart. Have we really been apart for six months and not talked on the phone at all? And yet I still find myself tucking things away in my memory to tell you the next time I get a chance to talk to you or e-mail you.

It’s Mother’s Day. Your day. The day set aside for celebrating you because you are my Mom. Yet, this year the celebration is touched with pain because you are not here with us for the celebration. I can only imagine the joy and wonder you must be experiencing—really the best gift you could have on Mother’s day. Yet, for us left behind, this day serves as a reminder of your absence and of how much I miss you.

My heart aches for another chance to be together with you—to celebrate you with you—and to thank you for all you were to me and taught me in the years that we did have together. Yet while my heart aches for your presence, I can’t help but continue to celebrate who you were, the relationship we had together, and all that we experienced together. I can celebrate the life you have given me and lived before me.

Thank you, Mom, for living those 19 years so faithfully with me. For making right choices, for setting an example and leaving a legacy of following God that I can now look back on and continue to learn from even though you are not with me anymore.

I think of my relationship with God and how much you affected it and poured into it, pointing me toward Him over and over again as I grew and faced new stages of life. Thank you for encouraging me to seek Christ with all my heart and to follow wherever He leads, even when it’s hard and scary. Thanks for teaching me that by living it.

You prayed, Mom. I remember various times when you would remind me to talk to Jesus about life and the things that are on my heart—whether dreams and aspirations or fears and struggles—because He is the best one to talk to about those things. And you exemplified a life of prayer, praying for us children as we grew up and headed out into life, praying for Dad as he lead the family into unknown places, praying for other friends and loved ones.  I remember not so long ago, when you read the verse in Revelation that talks of the prayers of the saints mixing with incense and ascending to God and how much it meant to you on behalf of friends you loved so much who no longer had their mother here on earth. It meant so much to you because it gave you a word picture of how God is still receiving and hearing the prayers of parents who have already passed on. Little did you know how much your own children would need to know that. I have clung to that verse so much since then.

You involved yourself in the lives of others and cared passionately for what they were facing. You cared because you wanted to see them experience God and know His love. You were always so interested in the lives of others—asking questions, listening, showing value to people that crossed your path.

Thank you for sharing your journey with me—for not only letting me in on your victories and strengths but also on your struggles and weaknesses. I think of your openness in dealing with fear and your readiness to combat fear with faith in God. Rather than living life in the shadows of what could happen, you stepped forward in the light of God’s truth and stood firm on His promises even when it was difficult. And you were always ready to learn and tell about what you had learned in your journey, giving glory to God for His work in your life. Thank you for teaching me what it means to be a learner, to continually be searching God’s heart and learning more and more about what it means to follow and imitate Him.

I could go on much longer about what you have gave me in the 19 years of our lives together, but this year the thing that I’m realizing more than ever is just how much you invested in my life and prepared me for this time in my life—The words of life and truth that you spoke into my life that I can now look back on and remember and cling to as I continue to grow and face this life on earth. The relationship with Jesus you exemplified and encouraged me to live. Jesus—the only strength to cling to and constant to depend on when all else is falling apart. Thank you Mom for seeking His heart passionately and for leading the way and setting an example that I can continue to follow even though I cannot be with you anymore.

I love you so much, Mom, and miss you like crazy. I wish we could be together today, but I am so grateful for the years of life we had together and for all that I can take with me from here because of your influence on my life.

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9 thoughts on “If I could Send a Letter to Heaven

  1. Cheríe says:

    Thanks for sharing this, Kristi … and for the way you are turning His blessings back to praise, when He gives and takes away. You are making those phrases real …

  2. Ernest Witmer says:

    Thank you Kristi, for this wonderful Mother’s Day tribute to your mother! Thank you for highlighting and celebrating all that she was and still is to you today… and will be forever! Your most wonderful tribute to her is your imitation of her. You are living out in your own life the character and values she possessed! Thank you, Kristi, for being the beautiful picture of her that you are!

  3. Laurie Hedlund says:

    That was so touching Kristi. Your mom was a very blesed mom to have such wonderful, thoughtful, loving children. Someday Kristi I hope you will be a mom and share all the wonderful things you have learned with your children. God bless you!

  4. Amber says:

    Miss Kristi,
    Although we have never met, know that I am praying for you today. Your words…they remind me to look Heavenward, to keep my eyes in focus of the Saviour, to long for and pray for a desire to BE with the One who made us. May I encourage you to rest under the shadow of the Almighty this Sabbath Mother’s Day, and cling to the One who is the Lover of your soul. Cheering you on in this journey towards the Celestial, and praying for you and your family.
    – A sister in Christ.

  5. Ruth says:

    Kristi you have rich heritage having had such an inspiring mom to guide you for 19 years! Memories of her will always be with you and keep you spurred on to greater heights.God bless you!

  6. Dawn Falb Stoltzfus says:

    It is so encouraging for me as a young mom to read your thoughts about your ‘mom’. It is so hopeful. Hopeful that as I plug into Jesus and live this life – that my kids can get it. That the sacrifice, the commitment to my ‘littles’, the daily stuff of life is what will draw my children to Jesus. As I pray over my Camden for his little/big fear about germs and getting sick, as I rustle CJ’s little curly top head and touch his nose (it’s what he loves), as I graciously rub my baby girls back and read to them when they bring me a book, all these daily things of life are the things I hear you say is where the relationship comes from that drew you to Jesus. So powerful!! It’s humbling but such an honor!

  7. Marita Stoltzfus says:

    Beautiful… so beautiful and heartwrenching all at the same time. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. You are already becoming so very, very much like your mom. I believe she is looking down and smiling and cheering you on. And also looking forward to the day when you can reunite. Love you!

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